


Bring Me To Life

by Dextrousleftie



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Anal Sex, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Love, Lust, M/M, Oral Sex, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:36:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dextrousleftie/pseuds/Dextrousleftie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cid wants Vincent, but Vincent doesn't think he's worth loving. Can Cid convince him otherwise?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bring Me To Life

(Vincent POV)

My name is Vincent Valentine. I am an ex-Turk, a research subject of the crazed scientist Hojo, and, so they tell me, a savior of the world. But what I really am, deep in my soul, is a dead man. Vincent Valentine died long ago, when the monster I’ve become awoke in Hojo’s lab. I am Vincent Valentine-walking, talking corpse.

How I wish that dead men couldn’t still feel. At least this one can. The agony I felt when I killed Lucrecia’s mad son was too deep for words. Sephiroth - if the universe had been kinder, he might have been mine. He was the last bit of my beloved that remained, and I killed him. There will never be enough penance on my part to wash away that sin. My soul is as black as night.

The others rejoice, even Cloud who admired and liked him. I cannot. I would be the lone person who weeps for him, but since Hojo’s ‘modifications’ I cannot cry anymore. It is one of the many things that he stole from me. Perhaps I should be happy that I got my revenge on him, that that mad dog was put out of his misery so that he could torment no one else. But revenge is not sweet. It accomplishes nothing. Killing Hojo did not give me my life back, nor bring Lucrecia back from the dead.

It has been two days since we emerged from the crater. We are staying at the Inn in the small village next to the Ice Fields, resting and deciding what to do. The rest of them are doing that, anyway. I don’t care what happens to me any more, now that my task is done. Dead men don’t have futures. And men with as many stains on their souls as I have don’t deserve happiness. I listen to their plans without much interest, until they begin to talk about me.

Cloud, Tifa and Barret are returning to Midgar to rebuild the place and take it out of Shinra hands. A noble cause - but one which I have no interest in pursuing with them. I have always disliked cities, and since my transformation I cannot tolerate large crowds of people. Solitude has become a necessity for me. Not to mention the fact that if the demon Hojo bound inside of me rises while I am inside the city, I could kill thousands of people. No, I cannot go with them, even if I wanted to.

Yuffie suggests that I come with her to her hometown. I do not say anything, but in my head I think to myself that there is no way that that will ever happen. The ninja girl’s personality is guaranteed to rub me the wrong way continuously - she is twitchy, amoral, thieving, stupid, and brightly annoying. The urge to transform into Chaos and rip her to pieces would be almost too great to fight against. I suspect the only reason she wants me to come with her is that she needs a good fighter to help her people throw off the yoke of their invaders. I have been used enough - I will not be used by one such as her.

Nanaki wishes me to come to Cosmo Canyon with him. I am sorely tempted-such a peaceful, quiet place - but yet again there is the presence of too many people to take into account. Chaos grows hungry when I am around too many people - I have a harder time fighting him back. And I do not feel that I deserve such peace. My penance is not yet served. I have considered going back to the Shinra mansion in Nibelheim and my crypt, but that is out of the question. Everyone in this room knows about it, and most likely it would the first place they would look for me if I disappeared. They would give me no peace, if I return there.

There is only one person who has not made an offer to me yet. He isn’t here - he’s off on the Highwind, bullying the cowed crew into making the necessary repairs on the ship. He works hard from dawn until dusk, and returns each evening to the Inn looking tired but satisfied. If he does decide to offer me a home, it will most likely be tomorrow. And if there is one thing that I know, it is that I do not want to go with Cid Highwind. I do not fear my enemies. I do not fear the monsters lurking inside of me. But I do fear HIM.

I fear Cid for unnamed reasons deep within myself. I know, instinctively, that that brash, loud, rude, boisterous, foul mouthed blonde will drag me kicking and screaming back to life. He stirs emotions in me I thought long dead. And while it is not always comfortable to be a living dead man, I fear the alternative more. And so I must not remain here, with those who call themselves my friends, and give Cid the opportunity to knock down my walls and invade my very soul. I must go.

Yes, I am running away. Yes, I acknowledge that it is a cowardly act. But as I walk out into the snow outside the Inn, my gun over my shoulder and my few possessions in a backpack I purchased at the store earlier, I feel a great surge of relief. Having friends is a great burden when all you really want is to be alone. I look up at the stars shining in the black velvet of the sky overhead, and they look as cold and lonely as my soul. They will guide me on my journey to nowhere. I don’t know where I am going, nor do I care. I strive only to get away, not to actually go anywhere.

I cannot kill myself. Ironic, isn’t it, that the dead man cannot finish the job? But Hojo saw to that when he used the Jenova cells and Mako energy on me to cause my mutations. I have almost limitless powers of recuperation, and even a wound that would have killed a normal man will heal. But perhaps, somewhere out in the wide world, I can find something that will be able to end my suffering for me. Suicide by second party. I almost giggle at the thought, but I haven’t laughed in a very long time. Like tears, that function seems to have been scoured from me.

I turn my head one last time to glance back at the warm lights of the Inn. Inside, my friends sleep soundly in their warm beds. I push the sudden image of a certain blonde pilot sleeping sprawled out on his bed out of my mind. I have seen him sleep so on more than one occasion, loud snores erupting from his throat. I will not admit to myself that I find his manner of sleeping to be rather cute. There are many things I will not admit to myself about Cid. They are thoughts best left at the bottom of my psyche, for there is no place for them in my life.

“Farewell” I whisper to all of those sleeping compatriots. Then I turn and trudge away through the snow, not feeling the cold. Yet another sensation that my exposure to Mako energy has stolen from me. I do not know where I am going, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters, anymore. I am as empty as the void.

 

(Cid POV)

I fairly leap out of bed this morning, which isn’t like me at all. I’m usually a late sleeper, and I have to be dragged, grumbling, out from between the sheets. But I have a great reason to get up this morning. I whistle as I shower and shave. Not that shaving helps much, but I continue to fight a losing battle against the bristle. If I didn’t, I’d end up with a beard like a pirate king.

I light up a cigar and clench it between my teeth as I squint at my own reflection in the mirror above the sink. My eyes are sparkling, and I can’t help but grin nearly continuously. I look like a demented maniac, but I can’t help it. This is going to be a GREAT day! Because today, I’m finally going to make my move on Vincent Valentine.

Don’t ask me what I see in the morose, moody ex-Turk. Yeah, sure, the boy is gorgeous. That’s a decided bonus, all right. But he’s also surly, cold, self pitying, silent and closed off. His personality leaves a lot to be desired-but I still want him anyway. Don’t know why. I truly can’t understand how he managed to capture my heart, but he did. Somewhere between the crypt in the Shinra mansion and the Crater where we fought Sephiroth, I fell head over heels for the red eyed bastard.

I suppose I should try to woo the sensitive gunman gently. But that’s not my style. Full speed ahead and damn the consequences, that’s me. Plus, I got good instincts. And they’re telling me that the only way to get past the Mr. Freeze impersonation that Vince does so well is to just overwhelm him. And I’m damn good at that. Yessir. That lovely creature won’t know what hit him.

I burst into song as I pull on my clothes. It’s an old sailor song, with appropriately filthy lyrics, that I learned from an old codger in Rocket Town a long time ago. He was a retired seaman, a crusty old barnacle who had the largest repertoire of filthy songs and dirty limericks that it has ever been my pleasure to hear. I learned a lot of them from him, and I take great glee in belting them out at the top of my lungs at the most inappropriate moments. I always think of the old man when I am shocking people with my little ditties. How he would have cackled to see them put to such good use.

Striding from my room, I head for the main dining room/bar downstairs. I can’t wait to see that red cloaked form, most likely skulking in a corner, hiding from the world. I know he does that because he thinks people are shocked and horrified by his appearance. Silly sod. Except for the golden claw arm that Hojo grafted onto him, and the scarlet eyes, there’s no outward sign that Vincent is anything but human. And he’s drop dead beautiful, even with the eyes and the arm. One of the first things I’m going to have to do is talk him out of wearing that cloak all the time. I want to feast on him with my eyes at every opportunity.

I jump down the last few stairs and boogey into the wide main room, catching a glimpse of the others sitting at one of the large round tables. They all seem strangely subdued. But I take no notice of that as my eyes skim over them, looking for the one person I want to see. But he’s not at their table, so I let my gaze sweep over the rest of the tables. He’s probably holed up at one in the farthest, darkest corner of the room, brooding. But I still don’t see any red cloak, and I frown as I make my way over to the others.

“Hey guys!” I greet them. “Any one see Vince this morning?”

A strange, chill silence greets my question. Then I see Tifa gazing up at me with what looks like compassion written all over her pretty face and I feel my heart sink like a stone. “Where is he?” I ask, and my voice has gone arctic.

It is Cloud who answers me. “He’s gone, Cid,” he says simply, turning in his chair to look up at me over his shoulder.

“Gone?” I repeat, not understanding what he’s saying at first. Or maybe I just don’t want to. “Whaddya mean, gone?”

“He left sometime last night,” Cloud’s voice delivers this hammer blow gently but firmly. “We don’t know where he was headed.”

He left? My Vince left? He took off and left us, his friends, with no word of where he was going? A sensation of deep rage passes over me, cut through with a palpable sense of grief. I turn on my heel and stride toward the door. I hear Tifa cry out behind me: “Wait! Cid, where are you going?”

I glance over my shoulder briefly at her distraught face. “I’m going to find him” and when I do, I add silently to myself, I’ll either kick his ass or kiss him senseless. I’m not sure which.

I start to leave, but a soft, moist touch against my arm makes me look down at Nanaki. The red lion looks up at me out of his gentle golden eyes, and says simply: “I shall go with you, Cid.”

“You sure, Nanaki?”

He nods. “You’ll need someone who can follow a scent trail. I am the only one who can do that.”

Gratefully I smile down at him. “Thanks pal.” I reach up to retrieve my parka from its hook by the door, and pull it on swiftly. I don’t have a moment to lose; who knows how much of a head start Vince has on me.

Outside in the town, I rent a snow sled. Nanaki has little problem keeping up with it as I ride slowly out of the town, not even sure which direction Vince left in. Sniffing carefully at the snow, it didn’t take long for the red lion to pick up Vince’s unique scent trail south of town. We follow it, me riding slowly and Nanaki pacing along with his nose nearly in the snow. I feel hopeful that we’ll soon find my wayward gunman, wherever he’s gone.

But two days later, I have to admit defeat. A snowstorm blew in the first day, erasing most of the tracks and scent trail. Nanaki was only able to find traces of both here and there, not enough to actually allow him to track Vince. Although we went out in wider and wider circles, casting about for more traces, we didn’t find any. Vincent was gone.

At last, on the second day, I admit defeat. I stop the sled and climb slowly off of it like an old man, and Nanaki comes to a halt to look back over his shoulder at me enquiringly. I wave a hand weakly at him as I sit down on a snow covered boulder and pull a cigar from my parka. I light it up as I stare off across the blank empty snow fields, the ones that have swallowed the love of my life.

I feel cold. Not from the temperature outside, but inside. My heart is breaking with an audible crack inside my chest. Goddammit, Vince, I think angrily, why did you have to go and do this? How am I supposed to live without you? You bastard, please come back!

I bow my head. After a moment, I felt the moist slide of Nanaki’s nose as he butts it gently against my cheek. “I am so sorry, Cid,” he says gravely. “I would have found your mate for you, if I could have.”

“I know you would,” I choke. Then, “Mate?”

“Yes,” the lion affirms. “The red-eyed one smelled like your mate. My kind can always tell our mates by their smell.”

Silently, savagely, I begin to cry. Sobs choke in my throat and my body shakes with them. Nanaki tilts his head a bit, and lets me burrow into his mane and shoulder as I weep. Despite our defeat of Sephiroth, my world really has come to an end. Now, lost in the ruins, I spend my grief into the coarse red hair of the compassionate beast who waits patiently for my crying fit to subside. I mourn what might have been, as a gaping hole opens in my heart. A hole that will never be filled, ever again.

 

1 Year Later

 

(Vincent POV)

 

I walk into the trader town with a backpack full of trophies from monsters I have killed. I’ll be able to take them to the government office here in town and sell them as proof of the monsters I have slain. The bounty I will receive will keep me in essentials(such as bullets)for a few months. Wearily I trudge through the town, ignoring the stares of the curious town folk and travelers. I am used to being stared at by now.

I hear a high sharp drone overhead. I look up to see the flash of sunlight off the metal on the underbelly of a small prop plane. A cargo plane, no doubt, making a supply run to this tiny town out in the middle of nowhere. Seeing it makes me feel peculiarly mournful, because it reminds me of a certain pilot whom I have still not been able to banish from my thoughts. I look away with a sigh, continuing along the muddy street without glancing up again. I feel my solitude more sharply than ever as I make my way to the tiny government office.

Once I collect my bounty, I make my way to the only Inn in town and rent a room for the night. I wish to take a bath and sleep somewhere where I don’t have to keep one ear always attuned for approaching danger. The clerk at the desk gapes at me, and I pull my cloak more tightly around myself. I start up the stairs to the second floor to claim my temporary shelter. The boards squeak under my feet as I mount the steps.

The narrow hallway on the second floor is uncarpeted and rather dingy. It is also quite dim, so I don’t see the person coming up behind me until after I have opened the door of my room with the key. Suddenly, a hard hand pushes me through the open door and I fall sprawling on the hard wooden floor inside the room. I roll as I fall, groping for my gun. It is in my hand as I look up at the person who dares to attack me.

The figure standing in the doorway glaring at me belongs to the one person I never expected to see again. The man who haunts my dreams and who’s smile is indelibly printed in my memories. An enraged Cid Highwind stands over me, unphased by the gun I aim so steadily at him. The barrel begins to waver when I see who it is, and a strange heavy feeling tightens in my chest.

“Heya, Vince,” Cid says in a voice of steel. The greeting sounds casual, but there is practically steam coming out of his ears. He marches into the room and slams the door shut behind him.

I am frozen. I feel as though I cannot move. All I can do is stare helplessly up at him as he stands over me with his blue eyes full of fury. “Long time, no see” Cid grinds out. “In fact, I never expected to see you again, Vince. Imagine my surprise when I finish my delivery to this shit hole town and come to this sorry excuse for an Inn to get a room and see a ghost from my past come into the lobby. I thought we should have a little reunion, maybe discuss why you left without a word to any of us. Your Friends” he spat. “God, you are such a bastard, Vince.”

I don’t know what to say. To see him again, after such a long time, brings all the feelings I’ve worked so hard to suppress roaring to the surface again. My hand drops, and the gun hits the floor with a soft thunk. Cid looks down at it coldly. “Not going to shoot me after all, eh? Maybe you should. A bullet through my heart might be kinder than what you did. At least it would put me out of my misery.”

What is he talking about? I don’t want to shoot him. My brows furrow as I continue to stare up at him. “What do you mean?” I ask in a near whisper.

He laughs harshly. “You just don’t get it, do ya, Vince? When you walked out on us, you took somethin’ important to me. Somethin’ I’ve never been able to get back. Somethin’ I can’t really live without, as I’ve discovered to my sadness.”

Perplexed, I shake my head. “I? I took nothing of yours, Cid.”

“I beg to differ, Vince. You stole the most important thing I have. And I’m afraid that it’ll always be in your keeping, no matter how much I might wish it were otherwise.”

This conversation has led me out of my depths. I truly do not understand what he is trying to say. His blue eyes glimmer with such a deep well of emotions that they nearly frighten me. How I wish that I could just bolt from the room and escape from this disturbing man. But I cannot, not this time, so I ask the question I know he wants me to. “What is it that you think I have taken, Cid?” I genuinely want to know, although I know the answer will terrify me.

He raises a hand and splays it over his broad chest. “My heart, Vince” he says softly. “That’s what you took. And you broke what was left of it when you left me.” A tear appears at the corner of one blue eye, and slides down his face. He doesn’t bother to wipe it away.

Shock quivers through me. Cid Highwind is crying? Because of ME? How can this be? No one has ever wept over me. Could I really be the cause of the pain I see glimmering in his eyes? I didn’t mean to be. I never wanted to hurt anyone, ever again. But apparently I have, without understanding what the consequences of my actions would be. When I left, I assumed that all of them would forget me very quickly. I am not worth their time or attention.

But the depth of the sadness in his eyes claws at me. Disbelief wars with a sudden inexplicable need to comfort him, to try to wipe away some of the hurt that I have caused, and the urge to comfort him wins out. I get to my feet awkwardly and take a tentative step towards him. “Cid” I say, putting out my hand as though to touch him but finding myself unable to close the distance. It has been so long since I touched anyone…

“Vince,” his voice is a near wail. Then he surges forward and I find myself enveloped in his strong embrace, his arms tightening around me. I can smell his masculine scent, and the musky odor of his cologne, as well as the stink of the nasty cigars he insists on smoking. I am overwhelmed in all of my senses by him, but curiously I do not find the experience frightening. I put my human hand on his shoulder, feeling the strength of the muscle under its broad expanse.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, Cid” I whisper near his ear, having to bend my head a bit. He is a good five inches shorter than I am, which makes the embrace rather awkward. But I find that I like it, all the same.

His blonde head moves against my chest. “I love ya, Vince,” he mumbles, tightening his arms into a crushing hold. Not that his strength would damage me; I am much stronger than the average human.

His words send a tremble through me. He loves me? When was the last time anyone said that to me? Lucrecia had loved me, in her own way, but no one after that. Hojo never loved anyone, and the things he did to me while he had me a prisoner in his lab weren’t about ‘love’. I don’t deserve love. Certainly not Cid’s bright, fierce, overwhelming love. I want to refute it, but something in me hungers for it terribly. I ache to be loved. For someone to take away the loneliness and despair that have hollowed me out inside until I feel as though I am nothing.

I could pull away and leave. I could tell him that I do not want or need his love, and say it in such a way that it will forever crush his feelings for me. I could explain to him that I do not love him, and that I do not want him in that way. I could have done any of those things, but instead I surrender myself to him with a soft internal sigh. The dead man stirs in his grave, pulled back to life by the bright and shining sun that will not let him rest in peace. It is a painful thing, to return to life after so long. It hurts so much, to awaken to life once again…

I feel a curious wetness on my cheeks. In shock, I put up my hand and feel moisture. It is coming from my eyes, running down my cheeks…I am crying. I am crying! I, who have not been able to cry since my transformation, am weeping silently in Cid’s arms. I want to scream, with joy and terror and hope. If I can cry, if I can feel, perhaps one day soon I will be able to smile again? To laugh? To feel like a real human being again, instead of a monster?

Cid lifts his head from my chest at the feel of a disbelieving sob shaking my frame. He sees the tears on my cheeks, and he gasps as he pulls away from me. “Oh, God, Vince, I’m so sorry!” he cries, anguish on his face. He thinks he has upset me. He doesn’t understand.

“No,” I shake my head urgently, even as tears continue to course down my face. “No, Cid. This…this is…” I can’t find the words to tell him of everything that is going on inside of me. I can’t tell him what is happening to me, how he has brought me to life and how it makes me feel.

Distress is clearly written on his scruffy, handsome face as he takes a step away from me. “I-I never woulda told ya, Vince, if I thought that it’d hurt you so bad,” he says.

No, no no! Dense man! How can I make him see what a good thing this is? What a gift he has given me, just by being himself? “Cid,” I choke, trying desperately to explain. “You don’t understand. I haven’t been able to cry for over thirty years. Not since Hojo. I didn’t think I could, anymore. That I wasn’t human enough. Don’t you see? This is wonderful!”

He looks a bit doubtful, as he studies my face. But something of the wonder and the aching joy that I feel must have registered on my face. A wry smile twists his lips. “Trust you to get all happy about crying, Vince,” he says with rueful fondness.

I have the sudden urge to laugh aloud at the perplexed look on his face. But one heavy emotion at a time. I can barely comprehend or cope with my new found ability to cry. Laughing on top of it might short circuit my brain. “I - thank you, Cid.”

“What’d I do?” he asks, still confused.

“You brought me back to life,” I say simply.

“Whaddya mean? You’re already alive, Vince.”

He doesn’t understand. My precious, boisterous, lively Cid can never understand what it is to be dead while you still breathe. He embraces life, lives it for all its worth. “Trust me on this one,” I say, unable to explain.

He nods. “All right. If ya say so.”

I step closer to him, wanting suddenly to touch him again. No one has touched me without the intention to cause pain since Lucrecia. I have shunned all touch since Hojo’s lab, since his hard, vicious hands hurt me and scarred me and twisted my reactions until there was no pleasure without pain. But I want Cid to touch me again. His hands could never hurt me. His eyes widen as I walk towards him, and he almost takes a step back. He is still wary of me, because he caused me to cry.

I put out my human hand to him. “Please Cid. Please touch me again.”

“Huh?” but even as he says this, his eyes light up with hope and a surprisingly shy pleasure.

“Touch me. I need you to touch me.” I am nearly begging now, and do not care.

He studies my face, and whatever he sees there makes his own soften. “How can I turn down that request, Vince?” he says gently, closing the rest of the distance between us so that he can hug me close again. “I love to touch you. You feel so good.”

I do? No, it is you who feels good, Cid. So hard and soft at the same time under my hand, the hard wall of your broad chest resting against my upper stomach and lower chest as you lay your head on my upper chest near my shoulder. Your hands begin to make a circular motion on my back, burning my flesh with their heat even through the cloth of my shirt. It is a soothing caress, but it has the exact opposite affect on me. To my amazement, I feel myself beginning to get excited. I can feel my penis stirring to half life against Cid’s lower stomach.

My breath is literally taken away. Long ago, I’d forced myself to divorce my mind from my body, so that I never got sexually excited. I did it because I may have had to endure the things Hojo did to me, but I was not going to become aroused by them, even involuntarily. It is sickening enough to be forcibly sexually assaulted, but it is so much worse if you enjoy the perverted twisted things being done to you in any way. Before Hojo, I was a virgin. Lucrecia hadn’t loved me in that way and I wanted no one but her. Hojo had stolen many, many things from me - my sexuality being only one of them.

It seems that Cid really HAS brought me back to life. In so many ways. I am helpless to stop the giggle rising in my throat, even as I begin to rub myself slightly against the fabric of his jeans. It feels so GOOD. Even when I would get an erection during Hojo’s assaults on me, they never felt good. The pleasure was always overwhelmed by the pain of what was being done to me.

“Vince?” Cid stirs and lifts his head to peer up at me. He feels what is happening against his lower stomach and a rumble of desire sounds from his throat. “Ahh, Vince!” he says, throwing his head back a little as I push myself against him harder, seeking I’m not sure what. Just a continuation of that wondrous feeling inside of me.

I gasp softly. Cid has moved one if his hands, and is sliding it around my waist and down until he grasps me through the cloth of my pants. He strokes the bulge forming under the buttons, and I cry out in amazed pleasure. My hand clutches at his shoulder, and I am hard pressed to remain coherent enough not to dig my golden claws into his other shoulder as he begins a circular motion with his broad palm.

“God, you’re sexy, Vince,” he growls as he continues to pleasure me. My hips are bucking, now, and I can feel something trying to rush over me. I want it so bad, I need it, and I know that Cid’s strong hand will give it to me. Just a little closer…

His hand abruptly stops and withdraws, and I whimper in terrible disappointment. “Please, Cid!” I beg, just wanting him to continue. “Please!”

He chuckles, an incredibly sexy sound. “Not yet, Vince. I want to get you outta these clothes before I finish this.”

I am barely coherent enough to understand him. I stand there, shaking with need and desire, as his hands strip off my cloak, then the buckles on my shirt. He pulls it off and tossed it away, staring at my bare chest like a man seeing a vision of Paradise. “God, you’re beautiful, Vince” he says, before he kneels and begins unlacing my suede boots.

My hand clenches and unclenches as he removed first one boot, then the other. I feel dazed and lost. I look down at the top of his golden head as he lifts up one of my bare feet and admires it. “Ya sure have pretty feet, Vince.”

“I…” I start to say that I don’t have pretty feet, but he bends his head and slides his tongue over the upper surface of my right foot. My breath whooshed out of me in a gasp, and the rest of the sentence is lost. That insidious tongue ghosts up my foot and over my anklebone, licking the tender skin until I feel like my brain is melting.

“You like that?” He asks, finally removing his mouth and glancing up at me with a satisfied look on his face. I can’t speak, but I nod. “Good.”

He runs his broad, strong hands up my legs over the fabric of my pants, and I tense as his hands near my crotch. He’ll touch me there again, and I’ll be lost…but he makes sure not to touch my groin as he begins to unfasten the buttons at the front of my pants, and I almost whine in anxious, hurting anticipation. I want him to touch me again so badly…His hands finish the job, and he takes a hold of the fabric and yanks the pants down my legs forcefully. My aching cock springs free, juddering in the cool air of the room, the head already leaking pre-cum heavily. Even the touch of the air seems too much, and I throw my head back and mewl desperately.

“Eager, aren’t you?” He sounds rather smug, but I don’t care at this point. His hands are sliding back up my legs, this time on bare skin, and the feel of their calloused surfaces on my now sensitized skin is almost painful. I whimper as he gets to his knees in front of me. His hands stop at my hips, and I want to scream as he grabs hold of them. Will he never touch me again? Will he be cruel and leave me like this, hard and aching and ready to explode? Why won’t he…?

All coherent thought flees abruptly as he dips his head and takes my erection into his mouth. Ohh, ohhh, ohhh! I never…no one has ever… I didn’t even know that this was possible…Oh GOD! His tongue is swirling around me, and he sucks at me with his moist, hot mouth. It is the most fabulous, shocking sensation! He begins to move his head back and forth, taking me in and then pulling back, over and over again, and I can look down and see myself sliding into his mouth, and it’s too much, it’s too good, I’m going to die, I just know it…

He begins that wonderful suction again, and his hands tighten on my hips. I feel the tightness gathering in my abdomen ratchet up another notch, and then something is washing over me, coiling through me, something too wondrous to be believed, and my hips are arching into his mouth and I’m screaming into the still air and I’m shooting into his warm, wet mouth as he swallows…I shudder as the first orgasm that I have ever experienced races through me. My mind actually blanks out for a moment, the release is so powerful.

I am wilted over him, gasping for breath, his hands holding me up. I feel limp and half-dead. There are no words to describe what has just happened. In theory, of course, I knew what an orgasm was. But when I was younger, and training with the Turks, I’d always been too cold and contained to ever bother with masturbation. It was as though my hormones were in hibernation. Or perhaps it was delayed puberty. Whatever it was, I didn’t feel the first stirrings of desire until I met Lucrecia. And then I wanted to save myself for her, not soil myself with the ugly act of self pleasuring. After she rejected me, and I ended up in Hojo’s hands, he’d never bothered to try to bring me any kind of pleasure when he brutalized me. In fact, he often laughed when I became involuntarily aroused. That was the real reason that I learned to take a step away from my body and its reactions. I couldn’t stand that bastard laughing at my weakness.

This…was so different than anything I’d imagined. So much pleasure…and I’d never expected to ever feel it with anyone, not after what I’d become. What Hojo made me. Oh, Cid, Cid, thank you…

“Are ya all right, Vince honey?” Cid asks gently, when I still haven’t stirred after what seems like a long while. I lift my head weakly to glance into his concerned blue eyes. He’s gotten to his feet, although his hands are still half around me, holding me up. “I’m…all right” I manage, somehow getting my voice to work. My body still trembles, little shocks of after pleasure running along my nerves.

“Ya sure?” he asks, still sounding concerned.

I nod, looking at him through the loosened fall of my hair. He dragged my headband off just before he took my pants off, and my hair is a sweat matted mess. He groans a little at the sight of my flushed face and dreamy eyes, seen through the curtain of my hair. “I-I have never felt like that before, Cid” I admit.

His brows knit. “Never?” He says incredulously. I shake my head.

“But…I mean…haven’t you ever even - well, jerked off? Or anything?”

Solemnly I shake my head again. I want him to understand what he has done for me. “When I was younger, I never felt the urge. And then I was in training to be a Turk, and I was too busy. Then I met Lucrecia, and I wanted to be with her. I wanted to save myself for her alone. But she didn’t want me as a lover. And then Hojo..” I shudder again, as those horrible dark memories assail me. “After that, I’ve never felt any interest in sex since. I was so surprised when I felt…” I could feel my cheeks heating at the recent memory of my sudden erection.

“Wow,” he sounds both pleased and astonished. “I’m happy that I got to be the one to make you come for the first time, Vince,” he says, making me blush even more darkly.

I become aware, through my embarrassment, that there is something hard poking me in the thigh. I realize that it’s Cid’s erection, that he still hasn’t…I want to bring him the same pleasure that he’s brought me, but I am unsure what to do. I’m not sure that I want to take him in my mouth as he did for me. Not yet, anyway. Uncertain, I reach my hand down between our bodies and touch the lump in his jeans tentatively.

“Ahh, Vince,” he breathes, as I stroke the hard outline of his erect cock with my fingers. “Ohh, that feels good.”

“Should I keep doing this…” I ask, wanting to please him but still uncertain.

“If ya do, I’ll come in my pants” he says wryly. “Let me get these off,” he gently removes my hand so that he can begin to pull his clothes off of his stocky frame.

I watch shyly as he yanks off his shirt and throws it away. His chest is broad and heavily muscled, with a swirl of blonde hairs over the surface of his sun kissed skin. He pushes off his jeans and steps out of them, and my breath catches in my throat as I see his erection. His cock is shorter but thicker than my own, nestling in a thatch of dark blonde pubic hair. His legs are lightly furred with hair, as well, but the hair is so light and the skin so bronzed that they’re almost invisible. I want to touch him, to feel every part of him. He stills and looks up at me as I put out my human hand and run it over the surface of his broad chest. The hair feels silky but also rough under my skin.

He gasps as my fingers run over one of his tan nipples. Surprised by his reaction, in the spirit of discovery I try the same motion again. He groans, and his head tilts back. I didn’t know that just touching a nipple could cause such a reaction. I continue to caress first one of his nipples, then the other, until he’s panting and flushed. He pushes my hand away, which makes me blink at him enquiringly.

“Vince,” he says throatily. “I want you so bad. I want to make love to you. Will you let me?”

I stiffen as I realize what he’s asking. Visions of Hojo lying over me while I was bound to the examination table, unable to move, race through my head. I remember the agony of his thrusts as he forces himself into my unprepared body, and the tearing of my tissues that leaves my thighs smeared with blood afterward. I don’t know if I can let Cid do the same thing to me, no matter how much he wants it. I want to bring him pleasure, but I don’t know that I can stand that pain again.

He sees the look on my face, and reaches up a hand to stroke my cheek soothingly. “It’s all right, Vince” he says. “You don’t haveta do anything you don’t want to. I won’t push ya.”

Of course he wouldn’t. Cid would never do anything to hurt me. No matter how much he desires my body, he would never force himself on me. It makes me want to give him what he desires, even if it brings back those ugly memories and brings me pain. I want Cid to feel as much pleasure as I can bring him.

“Do it, Cid,” I say, meeting his eyes.

“Ya sure,Vince?” He asks, half hopefully, half worriedly. I nod. “Yes.”

He gathers me into his arms again in a sudden move that surprises me, and lifts his head to kiss me. Except for those tentative kisses with Lucrecia, I’ve never kissed anyone in a passionate way. His lips cover mine, and his tongue snakes out of his mouth to tap at my lips softly. When I open my mouth instinctively, it invades me and strokes over my own tongue caressingly. I moan into the kiss, amazed at how good it feels. His tongue begins to teach mine what to do, and I push my tongue into his mouth in return. He groans at the feel of it, and I feel his tongue begin to plunder my mouth strongly. Who knew that just kissing could feel so good? Or that it would make my cock harden again so soon, sliding up and down Cid’s stomach as he stretches up to kiss me?

He finally pulls away, and I can only stand gasping for the air I hadn’t known I’d needed when he was kissing me. He pushes me back, back until my knees hit the bed and I sit down on it abruptly. “That’s better” he says happily. “You’re so tall, Vince.”

He leans over a bit and pushes my hair out of the way. He begins to lick and suck at my ear, and little shocks of pleasure course through me at the sensation. I moan as he leaves my ear and begins to lick a trail down my neck. I arch my head back helplessly as he kisses his way down to my collarbone, biting at it gently. His right knee nestles between my legs as he bends his head to begin moving down my chest, his kisses thrilling me. Then he takes one of my pale nipples into his mouth, and as he begins to suck on it I writhe helplessly on the bed.

“Uhhh!” now I begin to understand his reaction when I touched his nipples earlier. It feels so good, and my erection begins to twitch as I clutch at the back of his head with my human hand. He switches his mouth to my other nipple, while one hand creeps up to softly twist the one he’s just attended to.

My hips are beginning to jerk off the bed. I can’t stand it, it’s too much, the feelings are just so amazing, so exciting… his mouth leaves my nipple and begins to course a trail over my stomach. The muscles jerk under his lips as he moves down, his hand still gently massaging my nipple. He reaches the mat of dark brown pubic hair that begins on my lower belly, and I shudder as I wait for him to take me in his mouth again.

But he doesn’t. He bypasses my hungry cock and instead begins to kiss his way down my thigh, while I move helplessly and begin to beg in a breathless voice for the hot, wet touch I want so much. He makes his way down my leg, kissing and biting, and I quiver at each new touch and yearn desperately for this torture to both end and continue forever. He pushes my knee up and kisses the back of it, and I arch off the bed crying his name. He smiles against the soft skin, and licks the skin in a long stroke. I am now nearly mindless with pleasure, unable to think or worry about what is to come.

“Turn over, Vince” he urges me gently. I blink up at him as he stands, not comprehending. “What?”

“Turn over. On your stomach,” he repeats.

I do as he says, too lost to argue. My cock presses against the coarse fabric of the bedspread, and I moan at the rough caress. I feel him lean over me, and then his tongue begins to trace down my spine in a wet trail. It swirls around as he moves down my back towards my buttocks. My back arches off the bed at each touch, each stroke of his tongue, and I jump when he reaches my ass and begins to bite and lick at each of my cheeks. I feel strong hands grasp me, and my buttocks are parted. I don’t understand why he does this, until I feel his tongue run down inside and take a leisurely lick over the wrinkled skin of my anus.

I’m jolted off the bed by the shocking feel of this caress. I moan, and pant, and nearly scream as he repeats it over and over again, the fingers of my true hand fisting onto the bedspread, the claws of my mechanical hand ripping into the fabric as I clench wildly at anything and everything. Oh God, oh God, OH GOD!

When his thick tongue enters me, I do scream. He stabs it into me again and again, fucking me with his tongue, feasting on me as I writhe and yell and jerk my hips frantically off the bed. “CID!” I scream, as he takes a last long lick at my now twitching asshole with his tongue.

He urges me to turn over again, and I am so limp that it is mostly his doing that rolls me over to face him. There is a pleased, lusty gleam in his blue eyes as he looks down on me, spread out bonelessly on the bedspread before him. “I can see you liked that,” he remarks, smiling. I don’t even have the strength to nod.

He pads away toward the bathroom, leaving me in a state of highly charged unsatisfied desire on the bed. I wonder bewilderedly where he’s going, if he’ll come back and finish me off, I’m so hard that it hurts. Maybe I’ll just use my hand if he’s deserted me…

He re-appears, holding a bottle of something in his hand. I see that it’s some kind of hand lotion, probably the complementary kind provided by the Inn for travelers. I wonder why he wants to moisturize his skin at a time like this, but I can’t seem to pull myself together enough to ask him. He comes and kneels on the bed between my legs, and I look up at him as he hold up the bottle of lotion.

“Best thing I could find,” he remarks as he opens the cap and pours some into his hand.

For what? I wonder, as I watch him coat his fingers with it. Then he slides closer to me, and takes my legs in his hands. He urges me to lift them up over his shoulders, much to my bewilderment. What is he doing?

I find out when his lotion coated hand reaches down, and one of the moistened fingers begins to gently massage my opening. I want to tense up, as memories begin to flood through me, but his touch is gentle and his eyes hold only soft desire and caring. He is not Hojo, I remind myself. It will be all right. He is not Hojo…

The finger pushes into me, and I gasp. It doesn’t hurt, not really, it just feels strange. His thick finger pushes a little deeper, beginning to stroke my insides, and a flash of pleasure takes me by surprise. I never expected that any kind of intrusion into my body would feel good. I moan very softly as he begins to move the finger in and out of me. So strange, but so good.

Cid groans at the look on my face. “You’re so hot, Vince,” he gasps, pushing his finger in even deeper. I might have complained, tried to escape this further intrusion, if his fingertip didn’t strike something within me that set off an explosion of pleasure in my head. I thrust up my hips and cry out loudly, my head jerking from side to side. What was that? What had he touched? Oh, Cid, do it again…

I wasn’t aware that I’ve spoken aloud until he says: “Sure thing, Vince,” and that finger once again strokes over that same place and I feel another jolt of wild pleasure run through me. I’m not even aware that he’s added another finger because all I can feel is his repeated movements over and over again across that place that makes me scream and writhe with pleasure every time…Even when he adds a third finger, I am barely aware of the sting. He moves them within me, stimulating that pleasure spot, moving apart to scissor within me, preparing me for himself. When he finally withdraws his fingers, I whimper in disappointment. I’m so far gone, so close to another explosion.

I look pleadingly up at him as he settles between my legs. His mouth is twisted as he coats his thick cock with the hand lotion. He lifts my legs until they’re bent over his shoulders, and takes himself in hand. I feel the press of the thick head against me, pushing. It slides into me, and I make a sound that is half-pleasure - half-pain at the feel of it. He stops, looking down at me.

“You okay, Vince?”

I can only nod, for my voice is gone. The tearing pain that I experienced when Hojo took me is nowhere to be found. There is a burning sensation, and a feeling of being filled, as he pushes a little bit more of himself inside of me. But that is all. “Ahh, Vince, you’re so tight.” He gasps, closing his eyes as he struggles to keep himself from moving while I adjust to the feel of him inside of me.

Little by little, he works all of himself inside of me. I breathe shallowly, all of my senses trained on the thick invader pushing into me. He stops again when he’s fully seated within me, and I feel the fullness of him. I look up into his strong, handsome face, at his closed eyes and flushed cheeks and slightly open mouth, and I feel a bolt of desire run through me. Suddenly I want something - for him to move, for the friction I sense will make me feel even better.

Cid,” I gasp. “Cid, move. Please, move.”

His eyes spring open. He gazes down at me. “Are ya sure, Vince?”

I lift my hips, gasping as he moves a bit inside me. “Yes! Please!” I beg, my hands gripping at the bedspread on either side of me.

“God,” he moans, as he pulls out of me a bit and then pushes back in. He does it again, and again, pulling out a little more each time. The feel of his thrusts spreads pleasure through every part of me. I arch my head back as he begins to thrust harder and harder, and it feels so good, that thick thing inside of me, the friction of it, and then he angles his thrusts a bit and the tip of his cock hits that place inside of me again, and I’m crying out and gasping and twisting as he continues to move within me and prod that place, and I’m losing myself…He’s thrusting savagely into me, now, and my head twists from side to side, and I can’t even breathe. The pleasure is too much. His breathing has picked up, as well, and his hands grip my thighs in a vise grip.

“Cid!” I wail, throwing my head back again. “I can’t…I’m going to…”

One of his strong hands leaves my thigh and reaches down to stroke me hard. “Come, Vince,” he gasps. “Come for me, baby.”

I scream loudly as my orgasm is torn from me by his hand and his cock. Semen splashes over his hand and my chest and thighs as I arch off the bed in the throes of my coming. All my muscles are tense, and I feel my internal muscles tighten around the thick length buried inside me. Cid throws his own head back and groans at the sensation, and I feel him jerk inside of me as he comes within me.

Cid collapses against my still lifted legs. I can only lay on the bed, feeling pulped and nearly delirious in the after throes of pleasure. I continue to pant, my breath huffing out of me, astonished by the force of my coming and the amazing feel of making love with Cid. No pain, none. Only the greatest pleasure I have ever known. All those ugly memories of Hojo and his defilements have been washed away by this one act.

Cid lifts his head a bit to peer down at me with one half slitted eye. “I think ya killed me, Vince,” he rumbles, sounding totally satisfied.

“The feeling is mutual, Cid,” I say wearily. I am beginning to feel tired, my body relaxed and drained.

He sees how weary I am. He pulls out of me, making me moan breathily. He lays my legs onto the bed and crawls off of it. He goes into the bathroom once more, and returns with a wet washcloth. Tenderly he uses this to clean the bodily fluids off of my skin, his hands gentle. Once he’s done, he takes the cloth back into the bathroom. When he returns once again, he begins to gently move me around so that he can pull the bedspread out from under me and cover me with it. Then he crawls into the bed and puts his arms around me, gently stroking my hair with a broad hand.

“Go to sleep, Vince,” he murmurs. I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder. I feel so comfortable, so sated. Sleep is beginning to tease at my mind, and soon I’ll be swallowed up by it.

“Vince” he says, his voice uncertain. Something in his tone makes me force my eyes open to look up into his face.

“Vince, I…” he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Would you stay with me, Vince? Come to live with me? I don’t think I can stand the thought of losing you again. I love you, Vincent Valentine.”

I hadn’t thought past this moment. I rest in his embrace while he waits for my answer, my thoughts in turmoil. Stay with Cid? Live with him? Rest in his arms like this for the rest of my life? Do I deserve such happiness? Can I stay with this man, a man I know will teach me how to love again, and who will lead me out of my darkness and into the light once more? But then the image of what my life will be like if I return to my rootless, useless non-existence flashes across my brain, and I know that I cannot go back to that. No matter how terrifying I find my return to life, I cannot go back to being a dead man.

I’ve been silent too long. He sighs. “It’s okay, I understand, Vince," he says, and the grief in his voice lashes at me.

“Cid,” I say, putting out a hand to touch his face. “I’ll stay with you, Cid.”

He draws in a gasping breath, his eyes widening. “Are ya sure,Vince?” he asks in a mingling of hope and despair.

I nod against his shoulder. “I want to” I say simply. “I …care for you, Cid Highwind. You make me feel alive.”

He let’s out a whoop of joy, startling me, as he tightens his grip on me as though he fears that I’ll slip away from him if he doesn’t. He lowers his head to kiss me, and I feel a surge of returning desire in spite of my tiredness. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world, Vince” he says when he lifts his head from my mouth again.

“I’m glad,” I lay my head on his shoulder again, feeling something that I haven’t felt for so long that I almost don’t recognize it. It is…peace. I am where I belong at last, although I didn’t know that that is what I have been searching for all along. Perhaps my penance is over. Lucrecia wouldn’t want me to be unhappy. How she would have smiled to see me, wrapped in the arms of this amazing man. I can almost hear her voice, laughing, saying “good for you, Vincent.” as I let my eyes drift shut, my lips move into a small, contented smile.

 

EPILOGUE

6 Months Later

 

(Cid POV)

 

I walk home, whistling, enjoying the soft spring day. I’ve been gone from Rocket Town for almost a week, using the Highwind to deliver a load of electronics to the scientists on the southern continent who are studying the underwater Weapon that still drifts about aimlessly on the ocean floor. I stopped by briefly to see Cloud, Tifa, and Barret afterwards. The city is almost rebuilt, and looking damn fine, too. The Mako plants have been replaced by solar energy collectors, and air filters clean the tainted air on the lower levels twenty four hours a day. Cait Sith( I can’t think of him as Reeve) is planning and executing the rebuilding of Sector 7. He’s a great architect, and an even better administrator. The other three rely on his knowledge heavily.

Barret’s daughter Marlene is growing like a weed. Cloud and Tifa are planning to get married next year, and they’ve invited us to the wedding. I can’t wait to tell Vince how much his friends miss him. They were all so delighted when I contacted them after I found him again. They’re even more delighted that we got together. Tifa says we should get married, but I only laughed at her. Why do two men need to get married? It’s not like we’re ever going to have kids, unless Vince decides he wants to adopt some rug rats. I wouldn’t mind, actually. Despite my protestations, I really do like kids. Most of the time.

I wished, the entire trip, that Vince could have come with me. He often does, and he’s a surprisingly handy mechanic and pilot. He picks things up quickly, and he works harder than any of the rest of us. But he chose to stay in Rocket Town to nurse Shera back to health. Our friend contracted a nasty flu bug, and she was sick with a fever when I had to leave. Vince is amazingly patient with the sick. I just get all jumpy when I have to play nurse.

Speak of the devil. There’s a bench in front of our house, and a see a familiar tall figure sitting on it with his head tilted back. He’s enjoying the watery spring sunlight, and I enjoy the sight of his arched white throat. It reminds me of all the times he’s thrown his head back in the throes of passion, crying out my name. I harden almost instantly at the image, and I feel so happy to be home that I could weep. I’ve missed Vince so much this past week.

As though he senses my approach, his lovely scarlet eyes pop open and he lowers his head to stare at me as I walk up the street. I like the fact that I can see his whole face now - I finally talked him out of that ridiculous cloak. His beautiful features are perfectly framed by the fall of dark hair that he’s pulled back into a braid behind his head today. A few loose strands caress his face. When he sees me, his lips curve into one of those small, contained smiles that I love so much. He saves them only for me, and I feel utterly privileged to know that I can make this solemn, sometimes sad man smile.

A fierce wave of love runs over me as I smile back at him. “Hey, baby” I say, strolling up to him. “Did ya miss me, Vince?”

“Like the plague” he replies dryly, but his unusual scarlet eyes glow like rubies. He puts out a hand, and I drag him to his feet to kiss his sweet lips. He returns it skillfully, now; all those lessons have paid off.

“I missed that,” I gasp when we finally pull apart.

“Is that all?” he asks teasingly, giving me a low-lidded look under his dark lashes. Really, Vince is becoming so human, it amazes me sometimes.

“Nah. I missed this, too” and I pinch his ass before he can scoot away. He glares at me, looking down his nose in that elegant way he has. “Nice to know that that’s all I am to you.” He says mock severely.

I chuckle. “You’re everything to me, Vince, ya know that” I reply contentedly. “I’ll still want to be around you when I’m ninety and I can’t get it up anymore. I love ya, baby.”

His face softens. “I know.” He bends down a bit to kiss me again, and then we turn to walk towards the house together. “How’s Shera?” I ask.

“Much better. Her fever’s gone, and she’s getting around the house a bit. She should be fine in a few days.”

“Great. I got some things to tell ya, too, tall dark and handsome, but they can wait until after I have my wicked way with you.”

He snorts delicately. “Is that all you ever think about, Cid?”

“Hah! It’s been a whole week. Plus, are you trying to tell me that it isn’t all YOU ever think about, you sex fiend?”

His smile is fleeting, but I catch it out of the corner of my eye. Vince really in insatiable; he seems to be trying to make up for all those years of deprivation. Plus, he confessed once to me a few months ago the things that Hojo had done to him. Makes me want to dig up the bastard and kill him again. But since that isn’t possible, I don’t mind helping my lover to banish those bad memories over and over again under the forming good memories of all our bouts of sweet lovemaking. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

I grin at this thought. Vince throws me a curious look, but doesn’t ask what makes me smile. We walk up to the door of our house, and I’m surprised when his hand slides around my waist. He’s not much for public displays of affection, is my Vince. He’s too reserved, generally. I look up at him enquiringly.

“Vince?”

He looks down into my face, and I see something in the back of his eyes that makes my breath come short. “I have something to tell you, Cid,” he says solemnly.

“What is it?” his face is so still that it makes me worry. He’s not going to tell me that he’s leaving, is he? My heart begins to pound painfully. I know that I might lose him to his darkness some day, but oh God, please let it not be so soon…

He leans his head down a bit, so that his mouth is close to mine. “I love you, Cid Highwind,” he murmurs.

I jerk a little in shock. He’s never said this to me before. I know he cares for me, and he knows that I love him with all my heart, but this…wonder begins to unfold in me, and joy. “Really?” is all I can think to say. I want to dance, and sing, and go yell it from the rooftops. Vincent Valentine loves me!

He laughs a little, softly. “Yes, really. I finally realized it while you were gone. I missed you, too, Cid, so much that it hurt. All I wanted was for you to come home.”

Home. My home, his home, our home. I’m grinning so wide that it’s a wonder my face doesn’t split open. He shakes his head fondly at me, then opens the door. “Come inside, beloved,” he says, and draws me through the door.


End file.
